Laughing all the way: Garden of heedin’
July 1, 2011
By Pat Detmer
I tried to clean a spot of sunlight off the kitchen floor the other day.
Pat Detmer
Because of the work being done in our home, I’m hyper-aware of primer and paint and other goopy stuff showing up where it doesn’t belong, so when I saw it, I armed myself with a wet dishrag and gave it a swipe, only to realize that what I was seeing was far more uncommon than construction goop: It was a slice of sun streaming through the windows.
To say that this year has been sun-free is like saying that Charlie Sheen has a little problem with self-control: We all know it, and it’s such a given that it’s almost not worth talking about anymore. Almost.The Sainted One and I come from the fertile plains and river valleys of Illinois, where the sun shines a lot and if you throw a stick at the ground and it lands just right, you’ll have a grove of cottonwood trees within a growing season. And speaking of “growing seasons,” they actually have one there, and it lasts longer than ours, which is as short as Brook Shields’ eyelashes before Latisse and begins the morning of July 5, running until just after the Bellevue Festival of the Arts.
Add to that the fact that we are sitting at higher elevations on rocky little mountains and need a pick axe to plant anything deeper than three inches, and it’s amazing, really, that any of us would be stupid enough to try to nurture a vegetable garden under those conditions. But believe it or not, our Good Neighbors to the South are giving it a try. And speaking of stupid, we’ve given it a try ourselves for the past three years.
If you’re thinking of a veggie garden, here’s what you’re up against: cold, too much water, wind, bunnies, slugs, lack of sun, deer, slugs, slugs and slugs.
You can actually harvest a vegetable or two by the end of year, but it takes work: raised beds, special soil, wind breaks, cloches, planters on wheels that can be trundled to the sunspots, and tomatoes with names like “Early Girl” and “Highly Forgiving” and “Where’s the Freaking Sun?”
At our own garden, we’ll be looking for a hand come harvest time. If you come over and help, afterward we’ll have a large buffet groaning with the harvested tomato sliced as thinly as possible, and some pre-nibbled lettuce leaves. Yum. Can’t wait.
You can reach Pat Detmer, who would prefer not to receive any pictures of your flourishing vegetable gardens, at patdetmer@aol.com
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